#5 – In your latest attempt to go viral, you call in to the Suze Orman Show and ask if you can afford to purchase your startup company, constantly letting her know how fantastic it is.

#4 – You start a blog about your blog about your startup company.

#3 – To get more street cred with VCs, you and your 2 co-founders change your names to Brad Feld, Paul Graham, and Dharmesh Shah, respectively.

#2 – Your startup company’s twitter account has less followers than I have.

#1 – You offer to pay your pizza delivery guy by issuing him common stock, and he counters with preferred stock and a 10x liquidation preference.

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